I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
