Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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