Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
