At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
