1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
