I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
