so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i think i just lost a toe
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
