Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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