I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
