So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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