This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
