dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
