you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
