So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
