So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
