just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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