is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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