They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
