We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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