that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
