my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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