This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
