I will die if light touches me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
