Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
