Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
