I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
