its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
