Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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