Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
