and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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