If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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