the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
