If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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