Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
