new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
