Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
