Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
