So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize