WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
