My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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