i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
