At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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