babies were throwing up all over the place
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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