He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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