Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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