shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
