At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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