Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
