dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize