I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
