The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
someone owes me an orgasm
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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