he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
