u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dear god my vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
