i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
