do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
