You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
sex in a hospital.. check
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
