exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
