I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
