If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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