I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
