I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
