I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
