I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
