Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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