Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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