What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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