I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
