So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
try to milk me bitch
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