she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
