What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
