you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
