at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
