Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
