I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize