Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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